Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, commited citizens can change
the world; indeed it is the only thing that
ever has.
the world; indeed it is the only thing that
ever has.
Margaret Mead
Monday, June 08, 2009
Kicking into high gear
So as a serendipitous twist, I did not get a job at a restaurant, even though Gabriel assured me I would be making a ton of money. Apparently they have a two week training period, and unless I use my vacation time or quit my job, it's not happening. The sad thing is, I would probably be making more money working 40 hrs a week as a server than I do now. I calculated it... $16/hr is what I make. I WENT TO COLLEGE. I'm in a profession! I guess I should be lucky that I'm in my field at all, considering so many people are having a hard time at it, but seriously, aren't people just taking advantage at this point?
So this past couple of weeks I've been scouring craigslist, applying for design gigs and trying to network with people. I've got a couple of promising things happening, but they are barter, not paid. But both are things I sorely need (wedding photography and website creation) so I'm really happy they're working out so far.
I've recently posted an ad for Quark to Indesign creation. For all the non-designers, Quark is a layout program that was very very popular. Probably because the person who developed it made a deal with the devil. Sure, it's popular, but the interface is ridiculously clunky and terrible.
As well, Quark is ridiculously expensive.
So here comes Adobe Indesign, which was made by angels who let you set your own keyboard shortcuts and make everything as intuitive as possible. And make it reasonably inexpensive.
The problem is, if you want to start using Indesign in your company, that means that some poor jerk has to convert all your clients' old files if they need updating. This keeps a lot of people from converting, which honestly probably costs them a lot of time, since designing on Quark is like trying to make a castle out of dry sand.
So I'm putting myself out there to do this incredibly tedious task, and hopefully it's so boring and awful, that people will actually pay me to do it (as with many well-paying jobs). I can do it during the evenings, and luckily, I am lightning fast in Indesign.
So hopefuly, this works. Because not only does mama have to pay for a wedding dress and flowers and stuff, she also needs a new computer!
So as a serendipitous twist, I did not get a job at a restaurant, even though Gabriel assured me I would be making a ton of money. Apparently they have a two week training period, and unless I use my vacation time or quit my job, it's not happening. The sad thing is, I would probably be making more money working 40 hrs a week as a server than I do now. I calculated it... $16/hr is what I make. I WENT TO COLLEGE. I'm in a profession! I guess I should be lucky that I'm in my field at all, considering so many people are having a hard time at it, but seriously, aren't people just taking advantage at this point?
So this past couple of weeks I've been scouring craigslist, applying for design gigs and trying to network with people. I've got a couple of promising things happening, but they are barter, not paid. But both are things I sorely need (wedding photography and website creation) so I'm really happy they're working out so far.
I've recently posted an ad for Quark to Indesign creation. For all the non-designers, Quark is a layout program that was very very popular. Probably because the person who developed it made a deal with the devil. Sure, it's popular, but the interface is ridiculously clunky and terrible.
As well, Quark is ridiculously expensive.
So here comes Adobe Indesign, which was made by angels who let you set your own keyboard shortcuts and make everything as intuitive as possible. And make it reasonably inexpensive.
The problem is, if you want to start using Indesign in your company, that means that some poor jerk has to convert all your clients' old files if they need updating. This keeps a lot of people from converting, which honestly probably costs them a lot of time, since designing on Quark is like trying to make a castle out of dry sand.
So I'm putting myself out there to do this incredibly tedious task, and hopefully it's so boring and awful, that people will actually pay me to do it (as with many well-paying jobs). I can do it during the evenings, and luckily, I am lightning fast in Indesign.
So hopefuly, this works. Because not only does mama have to pay for a wedding dress and flowers and stuff, she also needs a new computer!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Hmph
I was listening to This American Life today, and they were talking to a guy who was an anarchist turned support worker turned FBI informant. This guy spent all his time helping people, or trying to keep people from getting hurt/killed (as an anarchist NGO guy, he was approached by many guerilla warriors to either fund them or help them steal from governments and people.. or something, I have no memory). The interviewer asks him why does he put himself into harms way by informing on dangerous people, or why he went to Katrina and basically fought the government and local police for the ability to provide food, housing and medication to the poor. The analogy was: what would you do if you walked by an alley and saw someone getting beat up? Would you do something or would you keep on walking? For most of us, this pretty much never happens. For this guy, he walks by that alley way all the time.
That's sort of how I feel about my beliefs regarding the environment and society. Every minute we are faced with a choice: the right choice, or the other choice. What I can't seem to explain to people is that each choice matters, and that they should take them seriously. Every time you buy fair trade juice instead of Nestle, you're making a difference. Sure, you're paying an extra dollar or two, but when was the last time you put your money to a good cause? And how often are you funding the people who make the world a terrible place? For me, I feel this constriction of choice almost freeing. Always do the right thing. There is no choice, there's no thinking, you just do it, no matter how hard it is.
Although I'm still driving to/from work, I still eat meat and I'm not supporting clean energy. That's what sucks, I always know I can do more. Perhaps when I get a second job and pay off my debt I'll be able to.
Oh yeah, I'm looking for a second job. I'm sick of being poor. And well rested, apparently.
I was listening to This American Life today, and they were talking to a guy who was an anarchist turned support worker turned FBI informant. This guy spent all his time helping people, or trying to keep people from getting hurt/killed (as an anarchist NGO guy, he was approached by many guerilla warriors to either fund them or help them steal from governments and people.. or something, I have no memory). The interviewer asks him why does he put himself into harms way by informing on dangerous people, or why he went to Katrina and basically fought the government and local police for the ability to provide food, housing and medication to the poor. The analogy was: what would you do if you walked by an alley and saw someone getting beat up? Would you do something or would you keep on walking? For most of us, this pretty much never happens. For this guy, he walks by that alley way all the time.
That's sort of how I feel about my beliefs regarding the environment and society. Every minute we are faced with a choice: the right choice, or the other choice. What I can't seem to explain to people is that each choice matters, and that they should take them seriously. Every time you buy fair trade juice instead of Nestle, you're making a difference. Sure, you're paying an extra dollar or two, but when was the last time you put your money to a good cause? And how often are you funding the people who make the world a terrible place? For me, I feel this constriction of choice almost freeing. Always do the right thing. There is no choice, there's no thinking, you just do it, no matter how hard it is.
Although I'm still driving to/from work, I still eat meat and I'm not supporting clean energy. That's what sucks, I always know I can do more. Perhaps when I get a second job and pay off my debt I'll be able to.
Oh yeah, I'm looking for a second job. I'm sick of being poor. And well rested, apparently.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Plant update: The plants are doing well. Some other plants are starting to crop up in my herb planter, which is probably because you're supposed to take all roots out of the soil before planting stuff in it, and well, I'm me. I have high hopes for the raspberry and tomato plants, though. Now I just need to get more flowers to lure the bees and butterflies in so they can pollinate them. whee!!!
So I've made the decision to get a second job. I'm sick of having so much debt. So now I'm going to try to get a part time serving job on weeknights to pick up the slack. We're getting married next year, which means that I want to have cash for this wedding, the ensuing honeymoon, and all the other things I've wanted to do in my adult life. Which means I get an entirely new job, which doesn't look promising, or I become a server on weeknights. Goodbye prime time tv, goodbye sanity.
Tonight I'm meeting up with a photographer who wants to barter graphic design work for photography work. He wants to do our wedding, but I'm worried that he'll disappear next year. Things on the internet are always so shady. I should probably write up some kind of contract, though I don't really know how. Whoa, looks like you can do it online. Okay, I have one hour to do this. Will update later.
So I've made the decision to get a second job. I'm sick of having so much debt. So now I'm going to try to get a part time serving job on weeknights to pick up the slack. We're getting married next year, which means that I want to have cash for this wedding, the ensuing honeymoon, and all the other things I've wanted to do in my adult life. Which means I get an entirely new job, which doesn't look promising, or I become a server on weeknights. Goodbye prime time tv, goodbye sanity.
Tonight I'm meeting up with a photographer who wants to barter graphic design work for photography work. He wants to do our wedding, but I'm worried that he'll disappear next year. Things on the internet are always so shady. I should probably write up some kind of contract, though I don't really know how. Whoa, looks like you can do it online. Okay, I have one hour to do this. Will update later.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Lovers and other strangers
I'm listening to this radio show that I used to listen to when I was a kid called Lovers and Other Strangers which I think is all kind of slow rock pop love songs. Right now I'm listening to "broken wings" by Mr. Mister. Anyway. It's exactly the same music as when I was a kid. Kind of cool, actually.
Right now I'm waiting for a pizza to cool so I can put it in the oven and go to bed. I wanted to toast the top without burning the bottom so I broiled it. Bad idea. Burned the outer ring of the top and the bottom doesn't even look cooked. Oh well, it'll all work out when I microwave it at work.
Earlier today I joined Brett, William, Ryan and a couple of their friends at this photo/art exhibition that was supposed to be porn for the blind. I found this kind of deceiving because I thought it was going to be like a lecture series about the accessibility of porn and such, but it was not. It was an art exhibition, which I am not really into. I was tricked. I'm really really not into art, most of it doesn't speak to me. The idea was cool but I think maybe it was a little off on its message. She had photos, then relief moulds of what the photos were, and a description of the photos in braille beside the relief. But the artist didn't actually know what the braille said. I think I'm just getting too sciencey about this. I never was into art for the whole artsiness thing, anyway.
These past couple of weeks have been really nice. Instead of spending the evenings alone, I've been having dinner with friends almost most of the time. I think I should make a bigger effort to have dinner with friends (eating in, of course, god knows I can't afford dinner out 5 nights a week) It's a quality of life thing. Although the next couple of weeks I really need to be focusing on the freelance gigs I have.
Okay, this pizza should be cool by now.. either way, I'm sleepy. Time to wreck the fridge by putting hot food in it.
I'm listening to this radio show that I used to listen to when I was a kid called Lovers and Other Strangers which I think is all kind of slow rock pop love songs. Right now I'm listening to "broken wings" by Mr. Mister. Anyway. It's exactly the same music as when I was a kid. Kind of cool, actually.
Right now I'm waiting for a pizza to cool so I can put it in the oven and go to bed. I wanted to toast the top without burning the bottom so I broiled it. Bad idea. Burned the outer ring of the top and the bottom doesn't even look cooked. Oh well, it'll all work out when I microwave it at work.
Earlier today I joined Brett, William, Ryan and a couple of their friends at this photo/art exhibition that was supposed to be porn for the blind. I found this kind of deceiving because I thought it was going to be like a lecture series about the accessibility of porn and such, but it was not. It was an art exhibition, which I am not really into. I was tricked. I'm really really not into art, most of it doesn't speak to me. The idea was cool but I think maybe it was a little off on its message. She had photos, then relief moulds of what the photos were, and a description of the photos in braille beside the relief. But the artist didn't actually know what the braille said. I think I'm just getting too sciencey about this. I never was into art for the whole artsiness thing, anyway.
These past couple of weeks have been really nice. Instead of spending the evenings alone, I've been having dinner with friends almost most of the time. I think I should make a bigger effort to have dinner with friends (eating in, of course, god knows I can't afford dinner out 5 nights a week) It's a quality of life thing. Although the next couple of weeks I really need to be focusing on the freelance gigs I have.
Okay, this pizza should be cool by now.. either way, I'm sleepy. Time to wreck the fridge by putting hot food in it.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
my mom is funny
Me: [looking at all the jars and jars of dried food things in my mom's pantry] Wow, and Nathan gives ME a hard time about owning a lot of cooking stuff.
Mom: That's because the only cooking instructions he know is "967-11-11" [Toronto number for Pizza Pizza]
So I'm starting to plan my wedding, which is... weird. Much weirder is the big deal that Derek's making over it, saying that I'm the LAST person he would expect to get married, and how proud of me he is. Which I'm not sure if I should take as a compliment. He explained that it's because I'm such a strident feminist, that he thought I was against the institution of marriage. While it is true that I think that it has been kind of wrecked by stupid people getting married too early and/or for the wrong reasons, I do like the idea of having a big food-filled party that is pretty much all about me. So yeah. Vanity wins.
Part of the wedding planning is the attempt to talk my parents out of having shark fin soup. Apparently it's a big face thing, we're going to look cheap, the old people won't like it, bla bla bla. The thing is, that's one big thing that Nathan and I are boycotting. (ps, I'm so happy that Nathan is boycotting something with me... I'll get him off Kraft and Nestle, yet!) Their attempt to sway me includes bringing it up all the time and telling me how bad it's going to look. They must have a short memory, because this tactic didn't keep me out of art school or make me move back home. Obviously, I don't care about how "bad" I look. Or they look for that matter. Well that's not true, just that certain things are more important. Like the ecosystem.
There's a site where you can order or download table cards that explain in English and Chinese the choice to omit Shark Fin Soup from the menu. I'm probably going to recreate one for our tables. It's a great idea, but ugly as sin. It looks like a fricking aquarium. I know Chinese weddings can be kind of gaudy, but at least things should match!
So far, my oldest cousin is with me on this, which is super awesome. And the fact is, shark fins don't TASTE like anything! It's just a gelatinous stringy thing in a sea of delicious, sticky thick soup which I'm POSITIVE doesn't get any deliciousness from the shark fin. There's even vegetarian options!
Anyway, I've got my parents to concede to offer abalone in lieu of the shark fin, which I'm hoping isn't quite as ecologically damaging.
In other battles, my parents really want an open bar, not realizing how that is the perfect recipe for having the reception turn into a bar brawl. I'll keep you all posted.
Me: [looking at all the jars and jars of dried food things in my mom's pantry] Wow, and Nathan gives ME a hard time about owning a lot of cooking stuff.
Mom: That's because the only cooking instructions he know is "967-11-11" [Toronto number for Pizza Pizza]
So I'm starting to plan my wedding, which is... weird. Much weirder is the big deal that Derek's making over it, saying that I'm the LAST person he would expect to get married, and how proud of me he is. Which I'm not sure if I should take as a compliment. He explained that it's because I'm such a strident feminist, that he thought I was against the institution of marriage. While it is true that I think that it has been kind of wrecked by stupid people getting married too early and/or for the wrong reasons, I do like the idea of having a big food-filled party that is pretty much all about me. So yeah. Vanity wins.
Part of the wedding planning is the attempt to talk my parents out of having shark fin soup. Apparently it's a big face thing, we're going to look cheap, the old people won't like it, bla bla bla. The thing is, that's one big thing that Nathan and I are boycotting. (ps, I'm so happy that Nathan is boycotting something with me... I'll get him off Kraft and Nestle, yet!) Their attempt to sway me includes bringing it up all the time and telling me how bad it's going to look. They must have a short memory, because this tactic didn't keep me out of art school or make me move back home. Obviously, I don't care about how "bad" I look. Or they look for that matter. Well that's not true, just that certain things are more important. Like the ecosystem.
There's a site where you can order or download table cards that explain in English and Chinese the choice to omit Shark Fin Soup from the menu. I'm probably going to recreate one for our tables. It's a great idea, but ugly as sin. It looks like a fricking aquarium. I know Chinese weddings can be kind of gaudy, but at least things should match!
So far, my oldest cousin is with me on this, which is super awesome. And the fact is, shark fins don't TASTE like anything! It's just a gelatinous stringy thing in a sea of delicious, sticky thick soup which I'm POSITIVE doesn't get any deliciousness from the shark fin. There's even vegetarian options!
Anyway, I've got my parents to concede to offer abalone in lieu of the shark fin, which I'm hoping isn't quite as ecologically damaging.
In other battles, my parents really want an open bar, not realizing how that is the perfect recipe for having the reception turn into a bar brawl. I'll keep you all posted.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Finally, the post everyone has been waiting for. Or something
I've been waiting to post this because I'm still sure that getting excited about things will make the universe decide I'm undeserving of it, and whisk it out of my life. So I'm tempting fate here. For you. FOR YOU.
A couple of weeks ago, Nathan and I got engaged! We just got back from a trip to Mexico and went out for dinner in the city. In retrospect, I should have really seen it coming since a) Nathan asked me if I owned any rings, b) Nathan initiated a conversation about white gold vs. yellow gold, c) he suggested going out for dinner, which he never does because I always beat him to the punch.
So we got home for dinner and there was a box sitting on the bed that I originally got earrings in from my cousin over Christmas. I opened the box and, much to my consternation, there was a ring in it. I didn't want to be presumptuous, so I uttered a very clever "oh... it's a ring...". He jumped on me and said "yeah.. will you marry me??". Apparently I laughed for about 30 seconds. Apparently because this time seemed a lot shorter to me. To be fair, I laughed out of nervousness. But I said yes. Obviously. Then we watched Stepbrothers on DVD. Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
So far, engaged life is awesome. We don't see each other very often (only on weekends), but when we do, we are both filled with giddy excitement not seen since the early days of our relationship.
It's weird. I feel like a switch went off. Where I've always been super cautious (all too cognisant of the fact that people will be careless with your heart) I feel like I can finally be free to have feelings and to express them.
Hopefully the "new me" isn't too intense for him.
Time will tell...
I've been waiting to post this because I'm still sure that getting excited about things will make the universe decide I'm undeserving of it, and whisk it out of my life. So I'm tempting fate here. For you. FOR YOU.
A couple of weeks ago, Nathan and I got engaged! We just got back from a trip to Mexico and went out for dinner in the city. In retrospect, I should have really seen it coming since a) Nathan asked me if I owned any rings, b) Nathan initiated a conversation about white gold vs. yellow gold, c) he suggested going out for dinner, which he never does because I always beat him to the punch.
So we got home for dinner and there was a box sitting on the bed that I originally got earrings in from my cousin over Christmas. I opened the box and, much to my consternation, there was a ring in it. I didn't want to be presumptuous, so I uttered a very clever "oh... it's a ring...". He jumped on me and said "yeah.. will you marry me??". Apparently I laughed for about 30 seconds. Apparently because this time seemed a lot shorter to me. To be fair, I laughed out of nervousness. But I said yes. Obviously. Then we watched Stepbrothers on DVD. Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
So far, engaged life is awesome. We don't see each other very often (only on weekends), but when we do, we are both filled with giddy excitement not seen since the early days of our relationship.
It's weird. I feel like a switch went off. Where I've always been super cautious (all too cognisant of the fact that people will be careless with your heart) I feel like I can finally be free to have feelings and to express them.
Hopefully the "new me" isn't too intense for him.
Time will tell...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Gaaaaahhhhh
Man, I have been so restless this week. It has been the longest week of my life.
Every couple of months I get this restlessness where I really just want to flip the bird to everything in my life and just take off. For some reason, I thought this would go away once I moved out of my parents' house. I was wrong.
Coming home from an irregularly dreadful dodgeball game, I considered not coming home at all, and instead driving... somewhere. Just away. Then I thought that well... my passport's at home. Depending on how i feel on Saturday morning, I just may be tempted to jump into the car (and give Nathan the choice to come or not) and just get the fuck out of the city, and go somewhere I've never been before.
I hate that I'm always nostalgic of a very short time in my life where I really seemed to live for the moment. I went out all night, had a great time, and came home, relatively unscathed. But now.. now I live in a *nice* apartment. And I have a good job. And a good car. Now I have THINGS that I have to maintain. Seriously, I miss having a shitty apartment, and therefore life, that I could just throw caution to the wind and live a little bit. I'm feeling trapped in a very Fight Club kind of way. But instead of fighting my way through it, I'm drinking-alone my way through it. Which will probably become unhealthy if I do it more than 3 days in a row. Which I haven't yet.
Yes, my crisis has been 3 days long. I'm only 27. The longer one can come when I'm older and realize that men at large do not find me physically attractive anymore.
Speaking of, I have a recent anecdote that pretty much cements the fact that I'm an oblivious jerk:
A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about race (she's Asian) and she said "it just occurred to me: it's possible that some of the guys that rejected me when I asked them out could have rejected me because I'm Asian.". It's really possible. She's from a small town. But that wasn't really important to me, because I was suddenly hit by the realization that guys DO say "no" to girls. And I NEVER KNEW THAT. I mean, sure, I had a guy say "no" to me once. When I was 15 but I probably didn't comb my hair then. But really, my biggest pep line to my painfully single friends is "just go talk to him.. come on to him. What is he going to do? Say NO?! Guys don't say no to anything!" Turns out, guys just don't say no to me, which I thought was just because men in general are easy and have no standards. So maybe I need to be easier on my friends, even though they're all super awesome and smoking hot. Seriously, when you are cool like that, fear of rejection is not an excuse.
Nathan and I also had a conversation where he told me that he gets really frustrated when he's taking pictures of me and I don't smile (usually because I'm trying to do some stupid sexy model face). Apparently, he thinks my smile is my best feature (uhm.. my best visible feature) because it makes everyone around me feel special and funny and great. Which is definitely what I was going for, so I'm glad it worked. But maybe that's why boys like me so much.
Meh, I don't know. I think it's just funny that men actually do refuse normal, nice girls and that makes me feel good, because I am somewhere above just normal and nice.
I know, it's super jerky, but hey, everyone likes to feel attractive and irresistable sometime. I had a very awkward childhood. Let me have this.
Wow, the unmeasured amounts of vodka are starting to get to me. I've had 3 highballs (what the hell? Am I suddenly in the 70s?) of screwdrivers in the past couple of hours. Unmeasured. So I could have had more than 6 shots of vodka. Which I hope I did, otherwise my tolerance is dying.
Okay 10:30pm. I'm going to try to get a decent amount of sleep before tomorrow. Big day tomorrow. Nathan and I are going on a big date after work! wheeeeeee!!!
Man, I have been so restless this week. It has been the longest week of my life.
Every couple of months I get this restlessness where I really just want to flip the bird to everything in my life and just take off. For some reason, I thought this would go away once I moved out of my parents' house. I was wrong.
Coming home from an irregularly dreadful dodgeball game, I considered not coming home at all, and instead driving... somewhere. Just away. Then I thought that well... my passport's at home. Depending on how i feel on Saturday morning, I just may be tempted to jump into the car (and give Nathan the choice to come or not) and just get the fuck out of the city, and go somewhere I've never been before.
I hate that I'm always nostalgic of a very short time in my life where I really seemed to live for the moment. I went out all night, had a great time, and came home, relatively unscathed. But now.. now I live in a *nice* apartment. And I have a good job. And a good car. Now I have THINGS that I have to maintain. Seriously, I miss having a shitty apartment, and therefore life, that I could just throw caution to the wind and live a little bit. I'm feeling trapped in a very Fight Club kind of way. But instead of fighting my way through it, I'm drinking-alone my way through it. Which will probably become unhealthy if I do it more than 3 days in a row. Which I haven't yet.
Yes, my crisis has been 3 days long. I'm only 27. The longer one can come when I'm older and realize that men at large do not find me physically attractive anymore.
Speaking of, I have a recent anecdote that pretty much cements the fact that I'm an oblivious jerk:
A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about race (she's Asian) and she said "it just occurred to me: it's possible that some of the guys that rejected me when I asked them out could have rejected me because I'm Asian.". It's really possible. She's from a small town. But that wasn't really important to me, because I was suddenly hit by the realization that guys DO say "no" to girls. And I NEVER KNEW THAT. I mean, sure, I had a guy say "no" to me once. When I was 15 but I probably didn't comb my hair then. But really, my biggest pep line to my painfully single friends is "just go talk to him.. come on to him. What is he going to do? Say NO?! Guys don't say no to anything!" Turns out, guys just don't say no to me, which I thought was just because men in general are easy and have no standards. So maybe I need to be easier on my friends, even though they're all super awesome and smoking hot. Seriously, when you are cool like that, fear of rejection is not an excuse.
Nathan and I also had a conversation where he told me that he gets really frustrated when he's taking pictures of me and I don't smile (usually because I'm trying to do some stupid sexy model face). Apparently, he thinks my smile is my best feature (uhm.. my best visible feature) because it makes everyone around me feel special and funny and great. Which is definitely what I was going for, so I'm glad it worked. But maybe that's why boys like me so much.
Meh, I don't know. I think it's just funny that men actually do refuse normal, nice girls and that makes me feel good, because I am somewhere above just normal and nice.
I know, it's super jerky, but hey, everyone likes to feel attractive and irresistable sometime. I had a very awkward childhood. Let me have this.
Wow, the unmeasured amounts of vodka are starting to get to me. I've had 3 highballs (what the hell? Am I suddenly in the 70s?) of screwdrivers in the past couple of hours. Unmeasured. So I could have had more than 6 shots of vodka. Which I hope I did, otherwise my tolerance is dying.
Okay 10:30pm. I'm going to try to get a decent amount of sleep before tomorrow. Big day tomorrow. Nathan and I are going on a big date after work! wheeeeeee!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I am tired of playing defense and I don't even have hockey skates
One of my favourite podcasts is the Moth podcast. The Moth is an organization where people tell stories, true or elaborated, about their lives. They're usually 15 minutes, and always really good. I'm a fan. They have this process where people pick a story they would like to tell from their life, and they work on it over and over until it's ready to tell. Sort of like a creative writing and public speaking workshop all in one. It looks like fun, but it's based in New York. There's also some kind of price involved.
I often wonder what my story would be. The thing with life is that there is rarely a beginning, middle and end. Things start without warning, never reach climax, or dissipate without resolution. Which I suppose is the hard part about finding the story to tell. Often the stories on the Moth are things that are events that take place over the course of five minutes, or five days, and they somehow manage to spin that into a 15 minute story. I have trouble telling a 2 minute story about anything that happens in my life. Just ask Nathan. I'm very tempted to not tell anyone anything about what's going on because I know that I retell events very poorly. Maybe I really should take a course with the Moth.
So far, the only story I can think of with a good beginning, middle and end is the story of how Nathan and I met. I can think of one other, but I can't really piece together how everything would go into a cohesive story. I just know that it would end with "That's when my mom said for the first and only time in my life that she loved me." Which I guess would be a story about how my family is loving, but not affectionate. And it would also be about how I'm the same way, despite my efforts, and how that makes personal relationships awkward. And it would also be about death, dying and regret. Too bad I haven't a clue how to tell it. Man, thinking about it still makes me extremely sad. I remember that after my grandfather died, I would cry and cry and cry every day for about an hour when I was alone, and I wondered if it would ever stop hurting so much. And it did. But not by much. Basically I don't burst into tears about it anymore, but that's about it.
Ooooh kay. So listen to "Hockey Skates" by Kathleen Edwards. Then download a couple of free EPs by The Acorn at their site. To wash away all this gross emotion.
One of my favourite podcasts is the Moth podcast. The Moth is an organization where people tell stories, true or elaborated, about their lives. They're usually 15 minutes, and always really good. I'm a fan. They have this process where people pick a story they would like to tell from their life, and they work on it over and over until it's ready to tell. Sort of like a creative writing and public speaking workshop all in one. It looks like fun, but it's based in New York. There's also some kind of price involved.
I often wonder what my story would be. The thing with life is that there is rarely a beginning, middle and end. Things start without warning, never reach climax, or dissipate without resolution. Which I suppose is the hard part about finding the story to tell. Often the stories on the Moth are things that are events that take place over the course of five minutes, or five days, and they somehow manage to spin that into a 15 minute story. I have trouble telling a 2 minute story about anything that happens in my life. Just ask Nathan. I'm very tempted to not tell anyone anything about what's going on because I know that I retell events very poorly. Maybe I really should take a course with the Moth.
So far, the only story I can think of with a good beginning, middle and end is the story of how Nathan and I met. I can think of one other, but I can't really piece together how everything would go into a cohesive story. I just know that it would end with "That's when my mom said for the first and only time in my life that she loved me." Which I guess would be a story about how my family is loving, but not affectionate. And it would also be about how I'm the same way, despite my efforts, and how that makes personal relationships awkward. And it would also be about death, dying and regret. Too bad I haven't a clue how to tell it. Man, thinking about it still makes me extremely sad. I remember that after my grandfather died, I would cry and cry and cry every day for about an hour when I was alone, and I wondered if it would ever stop hurting so much. And it did. But not by much. Basically I don't burst into tears about it anymore, but that's about it.
Ooooh kay. So listen to "Hockey Skates" by Kathleen Edwards. Then download a couple of free EPs by The Acorn at their site. To wash away all this gross emotion.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Pareve
It's apparently pronounced PAR-iv-ah. And it's also the best thing ever. It's a Jewish dietary category which means that it contains no dairy or meat, so it is therefore suitable to eat with dairy and meat (but not together, obviously). Since I live in a Jewish neighbourhood, I've kind of been flipping out every couple of weeks with "Ooh, pareve hazlenut spread!" and lately, the most amazing thing ever.
I see a box with what looks like mini oreo exploding all over it with some print on the bottom that says "if you like oreo minis, you'll LOVE our Chocolate Yummy Bites™!" I am not kidding, this is what they are called. And they taste just like Oreos! (which I do really like).
This means that as long as I'm shopping in the Jewish food aisle, I will be able to eat all the other gross packaged food everyone else can enjoy. Yay!
It's apparently pronounced PAR-iv-ah. And it's also the best thing ever. It's a Jewish dietary category which means that it contains no dairy or meat, so it is therefore suitable to eat with dairy and meat (but not together, obviously). Since I live in a Jewish neighbourhood, I've kind of been flipping out every couple of weeks with "Ooh, pareve hazlenut spread!" and lately, the most amazing thing ever.
I see a box with what looks like mini oreo exploding all over it with some print on the bottom that says "if you like oreo minis, you'll LOVE our Chocolate Yummy Bites™!" I am not kidding, this is what they are called. And they taste just like Oreos! (which I do really like).
This means that as long as I'm shopping in the Jewish food aisle, I will be able to eat all the other gross packaged food everyone else can enjoy. Yay!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
It's finally over
As super fun as December was, I am relieved that it is over. I counted 7 parties (5 of which I hosted or co-hosted), 2 full-on family days (Nathan's and mine) and getting settled into our new apartment.
TIRED.
I am definitely ready to start taking it easy, stop spending so much on food/booze/snacks and stop eating like there's no tomorrow. Especially since Nathan and I have been talking about going away in February. He mentioned something about having a "beach-ready body". Well if he's going to make the effort to look fantabulous, I probably should, too. Hopefully the dairy I've been eating will stop ravaging my insides by then, as well. Stupid bloating... must say no to all muffin tops, literal and figurative.
The holiday was great, though. I got to spend a lot of time with Steph, mostly cooking which I enjoy, but up to a point (apparently). Brett's back forever or something, and I got a crap load of presents for Nathan. Which is nice but also made me feel kind of bad and cheap. On the other hand, the man is completely debt free whereas I... not so much.
Anyway, I am too tired to continue this post. Hope everyone else had a great winter so far!
As super fun as December was, I am relieved that it is over. I counted 7 parties (5 of which I hosted or co-hosted), 2 full-on family days (Nathan's and mine) and getting settled into our new apartment.
TIRED.
I am definitely ready to start taking it easy, stop spending so much on food/booze/snacks and stop eating like there's no tomorrow. Especially since Nathan and I have been talking about going away in February. He mentioned something about having a "beach-ready body". Well if he's going to make the effort to look fantabulous, I probably should, too. Hopefully the dairy I've been eating will stop ravaging my insides by then, as well. Stupid bloating... must say no to all muffin tops, literal and figurative.
The holiday was great, though. I got to spend a lot of time with Steph, mostly cooking which I enjoy, but up to a point (apparently). Brett's back forever or something, and I got a crap load of presents for Nathan. Which is nice but also made me feel kind of bad and cheap. On the other hand, the man is completely debt free whereas I... not so much.
Anyway, I am too tired to continue this post. Hope everyone else had a great winter so far!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
and exhale
This past week has been the craziest week since we moved into the new place.
Last thursday was the dodgeball champion party (yes.. yes we are), which got.. a little out of hand. Saturday and Sunday were spent cooking cooking and cooking some more, with some grocery shopping and hangovers thrown in. Saturday was the housewarming party, which was a success. People actually brought food they cooked! I'm so used to people bringing chips and wine. There were actually SIDE DISHES.
It was great, and all my friends got along. Not to say I thought they wouldn't, but sometimes it's dangerous to mix groups of friends.
Sunday night was Steph's dad's 60th surprise party, which was a super surprise because he didn't realize it was his birthday. Or that Steph was there. For about half an hour. Hilarity.
After that weekend, I find the idea of cooking almost sickening. I'm sure I'll like it again, but for a little while I will sustain myself with leftovers.
Monday I had an impromptu visit from Steph, Xuen Yen and Nicole while we all took turns prancing around in a wedding dress that Steph got at the salvation army. It was a ridiculously awesome find. I'm considering seeing if she'll be okay with me wearing it to my hypothetical wedding someday.
Speaking of my hypothetical wedding. My mom told my cousins that Nathan and I are planning on getting married. Which is weird because although that's true, he hasn't proposed and I don't like people knowing about my business. mommmmmmmmmm
Tuesday night was the annual high school xmas party, which was much more tame than usual, since it was a tuesday and I had to kick everyone out at 11pm (sorry guys). Jen and Ka Lun couldn't make it due to getting the Norwalk virus (what!?! possibly most extreme excuse ever?), Ken had a mountain of work to do and Ivano and Chris were... I have no idea. Maybe working out and talking about guy things... like cars and chicks. But Steph, Rese and Ambrose, Derek and Matt made it, so yay! And Matt made something! Derek brought his usual potato wedges, which is pretty much what he is always required to bring forever. It was a lot of fun, as catching up with everyone always is. We should probably make an effort to all see each other more than once or twice a year.
And today I am sitting around, watching Queer as Folk on my computer and NOT calling clients, and NOT cleaning. I am relaxing, for otherwise I would die.
This past week has been the craziest week since we moved into the new place.
Last thursday was the dodgeball champion party (yes.. yes we are), which got.. a little out of hand. Saturday and Sunday were spent cooking cooking and cooking some more, with some grocery shopping and hangovers thrown in. Saturday was the housewarming party, which was a success. People actually brought food they cooked! I'm so used to people bringing chips and wine. There were actually SIDE DISHES.
It was great, and all my friends got along. Not to say I thought they wouldn't, but sometimes it's dangerous to mix groups of friends.
Sunday night was Steph's dad's 60th surprise party, which was a super surprise because he didn't realize it was his birthday. Or that Steph was there. For about half an hour. Hilarity.
After that weekend, I find the idea of cooking almost sickening. I'm sure I'll like it again, but for a little while I will sustain myself with leftovers.
Monday I had an impromptu visit from Steph, Xuen Yen and Nicole while we all took turns prancing around in a wedding dress that Steph got at the salvation army. It was a ridiculously awesome find. I'm considering seeing if she'll be okay with me wearing it to my hypothetical wedding someday.
Speaking of my hypothetical wedding. My mom told my cousins that Nathan and I are planning on getting married. Which is weird because although that's true, he hasn't proposed and I don't like people knowing about my business. mommmmmmmmmm
Tuesday night was the annual high school xmas party, which was much more tame than usual, since it was a tuesday and I had to kick everyone out at 11pm (sorry guys). Jen and Ka Lun couldn't make it due to getting the Norwalk virus (what!?! possibly most extreme excuse ever?), Ken had a mountain of work to do and Ivano and Chris were... I have no idea. Maybe working out and talking about guy things... like cars and chicks. But Steph, Rese and Ambrose, Derek and Matt made it, so yay! And Matt made something! Derek brought his usual potato wedges, which is pretty much what he is always required to bring forever. It was a lot of fun, as catching up with everyone always is. We should probably make an effort to all see each other more than once or twice a year.
And today I am sitting around, watching Queer as Folk on my computer and NOT calling clients, and NOT cleaning. I am relaxing, for otherwise I would die.
Monday, December 01, 2008
The view from here
The view from my kitchen door. Yes, that is a deck.
The view from the entrance to my kitchen.
More pics to come, when the rest of the place is all set up. Right now we have a ton of artwork that is sitting on the floor, waiting to be hung, and piles and piles of dirty laundry. More on that later.
The entire move took us two 6-hour days. We had to move on the weekdays because we had a wedding on the weekend. Because of this, we couldn't enlist any of our friends to help. Instead, we got help from my dad on both days, and Nathan's dad on one day. I was actually surprised by how smoothly the move went, considering we had two retired men helping us. I think the reason for it was that we both respect our dad's opinions and weren't about to fight them on decisions about how to load the van, or how to manoeuver something up the many many stairs we have (35 steps from ground floor to our apartment).
Our friends Joe and Vic let us use their giant rubbermaid containers that they used for their move, and they were invaluable. They're all the same size, easily stackable and virtually indestructible, which was great since it rained on day one.
So now we're all moved in, our muscles are starting to heal and the bell guy is coming today to put in our home phone. All we need now is to put up artwork, do a little more cleaning and get a dining set. And we're done.
So one of the great things about this place is that we have laundry facilities right in our apartment. the bad thing about this is that they are apartment sized, meaning one load is now half what a regular load used to be. And it takes about twice as long, somehow (I think the dryer is broken). The washing machine is interesting. You have to roll it out of the closet and into the kitchen, where you must then hook up the water input/output hose to a special little sink. It gets a little annoying if you need to go in and out of the kitchen, but it's fine if you can spend 45 minutes either in, or outside the kitchen. Nathan has this habit of doing laundry once a month, and moved in here with his entire wardrobe dirty, so I suspect it's going to take about a week to get all the laundry done. I do not envy their water/energy bill (yes, it's all included for us).
Right now, I'm enjoying that I don't have to climb across Nathan every time I need to get out of bed and he's in it, and that my computer is in front of a window. I'm loving the butcher block counters, I'm even growing to like the electric stove. I am, however, HATING the Loblaws just down the street. It's about 1 minute away, but everything costs about $2 more than it did at No Frills. Yesterday I needed a lemon and it was 89 cents. Since when are lemons anything more than 3 for a dollar? And I'm pretty sure it wasn't organic. This means that I have to investigate other shopping options, such as the produce market a couple blocks away and the butcher that's 10 minutes away. Adventures!
One great thing about this area is a cafe nearby called The Retro Cafe. It doesn't seem all that retro, but they have great breakfast. I had eggs benedict with hash browns and Nathan had an omelette. I judge a good breakfast place by the quality of its hash browns/home fries and this place did not disappoint. The hash browns were rosti style, and they were awesome.
I'm looking forward to having an actual dining room now, and having friends over for dinner again. Nathan wants to wait until after Christmas (post xmas furniture deals?). If anyone knows of anyone getting rid of a dining room set, let me know. I am, however, not willing to pay more than $300 cash.
The view from my kitchen door. Yes, that is a deck.
The view from the entrance to my kitchen.
More pics to come, when the rest of the place is all set up. Right now we have a ton of artwork that is sitting on the floor, waiting to be hung, and piles and piles of dirty laundry. More on that later.
The entire move took us two 6-hour days. We had to move on the weekdays because we had a wedding on the weekend. Because of this, we couldn't enlist any of our friends to help. Instead, we got help from my dad on both days, and Nathan's dad on one day. I was actually surprised by how smoothly the move went, considering we had two retired men helping us. I think the reason for it was that we both respect our dad's opinions and weren't about to fight them on decisions about how to load the van, or how to manoeuver something up the many many stairs we have (35 steps from ground floor to our apartment).
Our friends Joe and Vic let us use their giant rubbermaid containers that they used for their move, and they were invaluable. They're all the same size, easily stackable and virtually indestructible, which was great since it rained on day one.
So now we're all moved in, our muscles are starting to heal and the bell guy is coming today to put in our home phone. All we need now is to put up artwork, do a little more cleaning and get a dining set. And we're done.
So one of the great things about this place is that we have laundry facilities right in our apartment. the bad thing about this is that they are apartment sized, meaning one load is now half what a regular load used to be. And it takes about twice as long, somehow (I think the dryer is broken). The washing machine is interesting. You have to roll it out of the closet and into the kitchen, where you must then hook up the water input/output hose to a special little sink. It gets a little annoying if you need to go in and out of the kitchen, but it's fine if you can spend 45 minutes either in, or outside the kitchen. Nathan has this habit of doing laundry once a month, and moved in here with his entire wardrobe dirty, so I suspect it's going to take about a week to get all the laundry done. I do not envy their water/energy bill (yes, it's all included for us).
Right now, I'm enjoying that I don't have to climb across Nathan every time I need to get out of bed and he's in it, and that my computer is in front of a window. I'm loving the butcher block counters, I'm even growing to like the electric stove. I am, however, HATING the Loblaws just down the street. It's about 1 minute away, but everything costs about $2 more than it did at No Frills. Yesterday I needed a lemon and it was 89 cents. Since when are lemons anything more than 3 for a dollar? And I'm pretty sure it wasn't organic. This means that I have to investigate other shopping options, such as the produce market a couple blocks away and the butcher that's 10 minutes away. Adventures!
One great thing about this area is a cafe nearby called The Retro Cafe. It doesn't seem all that retro, but they have great breakfast. I had eggs benedict with hash browns and Nathan had an omelette. I judge a good breakfast place by the quality of its hash browns/home fries and this place did not disappoint. The hash browns were rosti style, and they were awesome.
I'm looking forward to having an actual dining room now, and having friends over for dinner again. Nathan wants to wait until after Christmas (post xmas furniture deals?). If anyone knows of anyone getting rid of a dining room set, let me know. I am, however, not willing to pay more than $300 cash.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Crazy Wednesday
Today was day one of moving. And it was hell, which is basically the best you could expect from moving. First of all, my friends lent us some large plastic rubber containers. Nathan laughed at me when he saw all 17 of them stacked in my room. He pshawed when I said that we should fill them only halfway so they'll be easier to carry. But he was wrong! HA! Not only did we need all 17, we actually had to empty some to refill them! And not only were the ones he stuffed WAY TO HEAVY. Well that's about it for that one. They were way too heavy and we had to empty more boxes after moving to divide the contents. Silly boy has only moved once. He and my dad also thought we couldn't get our couch into the apartment. Guess what? I know for a fact that my couch is Toronto apartment friendly. So whooo, I'm right and I get to do a gloating dance. I am super mover! I can move a goddamn full size fridge into Barbie's dream house! Number one! Number one!
yes, I'm a little delirious from all the exertion. Three fucking stories. But it's worth it. The first soak in that jacuzzi tub... the first completed load of laundry while I'm just sitting around watching TV in my own house... my first hammock purchase... it will all be worth it.
Today was day one of moving. And it was hell, which is basically the best you could expect from moving. First of all, my friends lent us some large plastic rubber containers. Nathan laughed at me when he saw all 17 of them stacked in my room. He pshawed when I said that we should fill them only halfway so they'll be easier to carry. But he was wrong! HA! Not only did we need all 17, we actually had to empty some to refill them! And not only were the ones he stuffed WAY TO HEAVY. Well that's about it for that one. They were way too heavy and we had to empty more boxes after moving to divide the contents. Silly boy has only moved once. He and my dad also thought we couldn't get our couch into the apartment. Guess what? I know for a fact that my couch is Toronto apartment friendly. So whooo, I'm right and I get to do a gloating dance. I am super mover! I can move a goddamn full size fridge into Barbie's dream house! Number one! Number one!
yes, I'm a little delirious from all the exertion. Three fucking stories. But it's worth it. The first soak in that jacuzzi tub... the first completed load of laundry while I'm just sitting around watching TV in my own house... my first hammock purchase... it will all be worth it.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Lazy Sunday
Today is a nice, lazy sunday, but I won't be able to actually feel rested until the rest of this week is over. Nathan and I are taking a few days to move, and then we're off to a wedding in Peterborough for the weekend. After that, I have to get my car fixed (although if I can do that this week during/after the move, I will) Every time I need to get my car fixed, I just keep telling myself, it's still cheaper than buying a 1999 Honda. Which would also need to be fixed anyway. And that 99.9% of the time, I love my new car.
Phew.
So Nathan and I are going to be moving to a nice place in a nicer neighbourhood. Living the dream. We're hoping that our friends won't consider it too far and stop visiting us. Luckily, one of our friends is moving pretty close, and even further north than we are, so at least we have an ally.
Wish us luck, I'll post pics when we're all done. So in a few months haah
Today is a nice, lazy sunday, but I won't be able to actually feel rested until the rest of this week is over. Nathan and I are taking a few days to move, and then we're off to a wedding in Peterborough for the weekend. After that, I have to get my car fixed (although if I can do that this week during/after the move, I will) Every time I need to get my car fixed, I just keep telling myself, it's still cheaper than buying a 1999 Honda. Which would also need to be fixed anyway. And that 99.9% of the time, I love my new car.
Phew.
So Nathan and I are going to be moving to a nice place in a nicer neighbourhood. Living the dream. We're hoping that our friends won't consider it too far and stop visiting us. Luckily, one of our friends is moving pretty close, and even further north than we are, so at least we have an ally.
Wish us luck, I'll post pics when we're all done. So in a few months haah
Monday, November 03, 2008
"my love is like a black cloud full of rain that's always right up there above you" See America Right - From 'Tallahassee" by The Mountain Goats
I'm thinking that Tallahassee may be in my top ten favourite albums of all time. Like most the music that I truly really love, my appreciation for this band was hard won. They went from "that weird band that Edward likes" to "holy shit, this stuff is genius". It really appeals to my unlovable side. Also, I've been watching season 3 of Dexter and that always sort of makes me think about how I have a lot of fake emotions. I'm sure we all do it, even Nathan, nicest guy in the world does it. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of the nicest people in the world are faking it. I know I do a lot. Sometimes I congratulate myself a little for not being a nosy person when a little personal tidbit about someone falls into my lap and I don't go grousing for more information, but the fact is that I just don't care. It's not even that I don't like gossip. I love gossip, especially when hilariously delivered, I just don't really care about peoples' personal little lives, unless I really care about the people. And frankly, there aren't really that many people I care about.
I think a lot about love. Well more particularly romantic love. If someone were to chart eras in my romantic life it would go: non-existant > naively cautious > full blown romantic abandon > full blown unromantic and somewhat spiteful abandon > overly cautious. Just someday I'd like to let my guard completely down, but that's probably not going to happen. Nathan encourages me to open up completely to him, but he's got emotions. And my feelings can be pretty ruthless. I feel like it's a pretty slippery slope from sharing my deepest feelings to sharing every little thing that comes into my head, regardless of whether or not it burns a little hole in someone else's heart. There's only a couple of people that I've ever really opened up to and that's Steph, who's just as hard as me, and Keith, who has this ability to not pass judgment even if he can't empathize. I wish that Nathan was hard enough to understand me, or at least was able to distance himself enough from me to just listen and not take it personally. But that's not possible. I couldn't even do that for him if he asked me.
Listening to this music is very therapeutic. It sort of says "You can love someone and still be really fucked up inside. You can make it work. It's still love." I don't doubt that we can make it work. Somehow despite how messed up I feel sometimes, our relationship never feels like work to me. I never feel like I'm handling anything big, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It's just us. It's just life. And for the most part, life is just... great.
I'm thinking that Tallahassee may be in my top ten favourite albums of all time. Like most the music that I truly really love, my appreciation for this band was hard won. They went from "that weird band that Edward likes" to "holy shit, this stuff is genius". It really appeals to my unlovable side. Also, I've been watching season 3 of Dexter and that always sort of makes me think about how I have a lot of fake emotions. I'm sure we all do it, even Nathan, nicest guy in the world does it. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of the nicest people in the world are faking it. I know I do a lot. Sometimes I congratulate myself a little for not being a nosy person when a little personal tidbit about someone falls into my lap and I don't go grousing for more information, but the fact is that I just don't care. It's not even that I don't like gossip. I love gossip, especially when hilariously delivered, I just don't really care about peoples' personal little lives, unless I really care about the people. And frankly, there aren't really that many people I care about.
I think a lot about love. Well more particularly romantic love. If someone were to chart eras in my romantic life it would go: non-existant > naively cautious > full blown romantic abandon > full blown unromantic and somewhat spiteful abandon > overly cautious. Just someday I'd like to let my guard completely down, but that's probably not going to happen. Nathan encourages me to open up completely to him, but he's got emotions. And my feelings can be pretty ruthless. I feel like it's a pretty slippery slope from sharing my deepest feelings to sharing every little thing that comes into my head, regardless of whether or not it burns a little hole in someone else's heart. There's only a couple of people that I've ever really opened up to and that's Steph, who's just as hard as me, and Keith, who has this ability to not pass judgment even if he can't empathize. I wish that Nathan was hard enough to understand me, or at least was able to distance himself enough from me to just listen and not take it personally. But that's not possible. I couldn't even do that for him if he asked me.
Listening to this music is very therapeutic. It sort of says "You can love someone and still be really fucked up inside. You can make it work. It's still love." I don't doubt that we can make it work. Somehow despite how messed up I feel sometimes, our relationship never feels like work to me. I never feel like I'm handling anything big, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It's just us. It's just life. And for the most part, life is just... great.